Are you going through your closet for things to wear for your date this week and can’t seem to make up your mind? Are you hoping that this date could be your forever after? Are you tired of guys who seem to think you are only suitable for a one-night stand?
Men will, whether you like it or not, make judgments on your character based on how you present yourself, including what clothes you wear. The last 50 years have seen it become socially acceptable to dress in an increasingly sexy way. However, it is my opinion that men’s biological programming have not been able to adapt to this trend in the same way. The truth is, men still value women that dress discrete and demure as more suitable for serious relationships. This is down to the fact that men are programmed to fall in love with women who can be deemed the most trustworthy. When it comes to picking clothes for a first date – First impression is everything.
If you are looking to be taken seriously by men, these are some tips for you:
- Tight-fitting or revealing clothes puts the focus on your body instead of your personality which is really where you want his attention to be. Men are not as shallow as you may think. Men fall for personalities, not bodies.
- The Power of Mystery – Something of a lost art in the 21st century. By not showing off your body, you will make him fantasize about what your body really looks like. Just because you are not showing off your body, this does not in anyway imply that you don’t have a great body that you are proud of.
- When you dress up and if this is something that you don’t ususally do on an everyday basis, the chances are you will feel slightly self-conscious. When you go on a date you are there mainly for him, not for you. You should be as natural, relaxed and able to be as present in the moment as possible in order to give him your full, undivided attention, and feeling even the slightest self-conscious will work against you in this respect.
- Showing him that by coming as your natural, down-to-earth, everyday self you demonstrate power and self-confidence. You know that you are enough. When you are dressed up to the nines, you will stroke his ego. He will be immediately flattered that you made all the effort just for him. The problem is, now you have shown him that you have a romantic interest in him. You have in fact, given away your power. By that I mean that in the early stages of dating, you should always let a man guess whether you are attracted to him or not.
- What you wear should look like you didn’t take too much time to plan putting it together. Effortless goes a long way. You should aim to look like the approachable one. People can often be intimidated by beauty. This happens for men too.
When I started to change my style in clothing when I went on dates, I first felt a loss of identity. But the change in men’s perception of me and the increased respect made me forget about that pretty quickly. Plus it saves me time as it is much faster getting ready for a date nowadays. It also saves me a ton of money since my clothes nowadays are way more timeless and I wear only a fraction of the makeup I used to.
What do you like to wear on a first date?
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Hit on him first – and see him never letting go of you.
What if you learned some techniques for how to make the first move? Wouldn’t it be great if you could do so entirely without coming across as desperate, then turning it around to make him chase you?
Imagine that it’s friday night. You are at a bar drinking with your best friends. You have been drinking maybe just one (or two?) glasses of wine too much, but it’s weekend – Who cares? Weee! You spot a super hot guy next to you and you burst out: ” Hey, you’re cute!” You look him deep into his eyes and add: “Call me next Thursday.”
This is the beginning of a true story. How does it end? This couple is still happily married after 7 years together.
What is the trick of making the first move?
The rest of the story goes… The guy diligently waits until Thursday before he gives the girl a call. When he calls, the girl – now sober – no longer remembers if he is attractive (!) In a state of panic she tells him that she will call him back and promptly hangs up. She immedately gets on the line to her best friend. Can she provide any information? The friend confirms: “Yes, he’s hot, you should definitely meet him!” The girl calls the guy back and arrange for a date.
Don’t you think the girl had a spark of genious for hanging up on him? I do! Surely the guy must wonder – have I just been rejected? The girl is acting hot and cold. He is bound to be confused. This has the potential of stirring up a lot of emotions.
Then there is the surprise element. When the guy calls, I am sure the last think he expects is for her to hang up on him. It is unpredictable. When you do something surprising – you will stand out. Now you are different from the rest. Now he will remember you.
⋆ Keep him on his toes; Act a little hot and cold – Be unpredictable so he can never guess your next move
⋆ Be the one that stands out in any crowd; Be different and make yourself the one he will never forget
⋆ Dating IS a game; have fun playing it
Do you have a story where you made the first move? How did it go?
Have you ever had a guy belittle you? Have you ever have a guy try to control you or a certain situation? Have you ever had a guy manipulate you?
Stop! This is what you need to do. Take action straight away. Put down the boundaries. Tell him how things work – If he wants to date you, he will have to correct his behaviour. Tell him you won’t tolerate it. Confident women never do. They know better. A man that has bad behaviour is never going to make you happy in the long run. Maybe you can stick with it for a few months but as the years pass by, it will wear you down. It will never make you happy.
This is where you have to know your worth. You deserve better. There will be plenty of guys out there who will not treat you this way. You shouldn’t have to put up with it. Great partners support eachother, lift eachother up, don’t compete, give eachother freedom and treat eachother with respect.
★ Never settle for any less.
Sometimes I wonder if one of the many reasons people are struggling to find love in the 21st century is because everyone is so available today. If you think back a century ago, people were not available in the same way. If you wanted to talk to someone, you would have to seek them out in person. In the meantime, you just had to wait. Because things moved slower back then, feelings had a lot more time to develop. If you can’t reach someone straight away, you will be surrounded by a lot more ucertainty about whether you will be able to see this person again. This will stir up feelings of longing for them.
Countless of times have I heard stories about two people falling in love after a time of separation. The story usually goes that two people start dating – often intensively, before there is a break in dating where one of them is going away, maybe just to go on a holiday. This gives space where there is time for feelings to develop. Even if you stay in touch during a period of separation, this is when you will have time to focus on building a strong emotional connection seeing that no physical contact is possible.
★ Don’t be afraid to be a little unavailable. Don’t be afraid to take a break.
The dating advice I see given most often is: Make the man chase you. In many respects I agree. It is absolutely most safe to let the man make the first move. A man is never going to be persuaded into anything. He likes to take the lead. He likes to feel like he is the one in control. This is when he feels masculine. Men likes to feel masculine. But I have also heard countless of stories from married couples where the woman made the first move. The stories I have heard usually always have a component of withdrawal in them:
The woman makes the first move. Then she withdraws.
The withdrawal part is absolutely critical in my opinion if you want to make the first move. There is nothing less attractive than desperation. If you attempt to chase a man, you are likely to come across as desperate. By withdrawing you make him unsure if you are still attracted to him. Another way of describing this is by acting hot and cold. By acting hot and cold, he has really no idea what you think about him. Now he is confused. This is a technique that can stir up a lot of emotions if it is used correctly. By acting cold I do not mean being rude or offensive – that will drive him away from you. But acting cold as in a little standoffish or just being a little unavailable.
Make the first move. Then withdraw. Act a little hot and cold.
Because I used to struggle with insecurities in the past, the more dressed up I was, the better I would usually feel about myself. I probably spent about 3 hours getting ready before a date(!)I loved to spend time on the way I looked. It was not hard for me to get asked on a date. It was really easy. Yet I had a hard time with having guys take me seriously. I was usually not what guys considered relationship material.
As years went by and I got sick of not finding any form of valuable connection, I decided to change my approach. Instead of dressing up for a date, I would start to dress down. I started adding only a tiny bit of make up, my hair was well-groomed but otherwise in a natural state, I wore casual, but still classy, everyday clothing, never tight fitting material on top and always high neck lines with flat shoes, loafers in fact.
The change in clothing was one of the elements that immediately changed guys perception of me the most, and still is. From that moment, after a date I would hear more often: “I was really glad to meet you. You are a good and serious girl”. This is something that I would usually never hear in the past. Guys started treating me with more respect.
Men deal with break-ups very differently than women. Women tend feel great anxiety at the time of a break-up. Men on the other hand tend to report to feeling numb. While many women resort to staying in with bucket-loads of ice cream, many men go straight on the rebound and often try to date as many women as possible. The difference though is that while women have intense feelings of pain at the time of a break-up, with time they usually fully recover. Men may have it easier at the time of the break-up, however they never really fully recover. This is where the one that got a away enters the picture.
A lot of men have one special girl from their past that still occupies his heart. Noone will never really live up to her. His heart will never be fully open for someone new, because his heart is already full of someone else.
When you hear a guy talk about a girl from his past and it is clear there may still be some feelings there – Beware. This is a big red flag! This is a guy who is most likely not ready for a relationship. This is a guy who will never be able to commit in the way you want him too. This is a guy that – while he may say that he loves you – is likely to think of someone else when he goes to bed. Ouch! You will not be able to change him. He will not forget her when he meets you.
★ Let him go. Let him figure things out for himself.