Hey, You’re Cute!

kiss lipstick

Hit on him first – and see him never letting go of you.

What if you learned some techniques for how to make the first move? Entirely without coming across as desperate. Then turning it around to make him chase you. 


Imagine that it’s friday night. You are at a bar drinking with your best friends. You have been drinking maybe just one (or two?) glasses of wine too much, but it’s weekend – Who cares? Weee! You spot a super hot guy next to you and you burst out: ” Hey, you’re cute!” You look him deep into his eyes and add: “Call me next Thursday.”

This is the beginning of a true story. How does it end? This couple is still happily married after 7 years together.

What is the trick of making the first move? 


The rest of the story goes… The guy diligently waits until Thursday before he gives the girl a call. When he calls, the girl – now sober – no longer remembers if he is attractive (!) In a state of panic she tells him that she will call him back and promptly hangs up. She immedately gets on the line to her best friend. Can she provide any information? The friend confirms: “Yes, he’s hot, you should definitely meet him!” The girl calls the guy back and arrange for a date.


Don’t you think the girl had a spark of genious for hanging up on him? I do! Surely the guy must wonder – have I just been rejected? The girl is acting hot and cold. He is bound to be confused. This has the potential of stirring up a lot of emotions.


Then there is the surprise element. When the guy calls, I am sure the last think he expects is for her to hang up on him. It is unpredictable. When you do something surprising – you will stand out. Now you are different from the rest. Now he will remember you.

⋆ Keep him on his toes;  Act a little hot and cold – Be unpredictable so he can never guess your next move 

⋆ Be the one that stands out in any crowd; Be different and make yourself the one he will never forget

Dating IS a game; have fun playing it

Do you have a story where you made the first move? How did it go?

You Are Worth It

Have you ever had a guy belittle you? Have you ever had a guy trying to control you or a certain situation? Has a guy ever tried to manipulate you?

Stop! This is what you need to do. Take action straight away. Put down the boundaries. Tell him how things work – If he wants to date you, he will have to correct his behaviour. Tell him you won’t tolerate it. Confident women never do. They know better. A man that has bad behaviour is never going to make you happy in the long run. Maybe you can stick with it for a few months but as the years pass by, it will wear you down. It will never make you happy.


This is where you have to know your worth. You deserve better. There will be plenty of guys out there who will not treat you this way. You shouldn’t have to put up with it.  Great partners support eachother, lift eachother up, don’t compete, give eachother freedom and treat eachother with respect.

★ Never settle for any less.

You Have Time

Sometimes I wonder if one of the many reasons people are struggling to find love in the 21st century is because everyone is so available today. If you think back a century ago, people were not available in the same way. If you wanted to talk to someone, you would have to seek them out in person. In the meantime, you just had to wait. Because things moved slower back then, feelings had a lot more time to develop. If you can’t reach someone straight away, you will be surrounded by a lot more ucertainty about whether you will be able to see this person again. This will stir up feelings of longing for them.


Countless of times have I heard stories about two people falling in love after a time of separation. The story usually goes that two people start dating – often intensively,  before there is a break in dating where one of  them is going away, maybe just to go on a holiday. This gives space where there is time for feelings to develop. Even if you stay in touch during a period of separation, this is when you will have time to focus on building a strong emotional connection seeing that no physical contact is possible.

★ Don’t be afraid to be a little unavailable. Don’t be afraid to take a break.

Making the First Move

The dating advice I see given most often is: Make the man chase you. In many respects I agree. It is absolutely most safe to let the man make the first move.  A man is never going to be persuaded into anything. He likes to take the lead. He likes to feel like he is the one in control. This is when he feels masculine. Men likes to feel masculine. But I have also heard countless of stories from married couples where the woman made the first move. The stories I have heard usually always have a component of withdrawal in them:

The woman makes the first move. Then she withdraws.


The withdrawal part is absolutely critical in my opinion if you want to make the first move. There is nothing less attractive than desperation. If you attempt to chase a man, you  are likely to come across as desperate. By withdrawing you make him unsure if you are still attracted to him. Another way of describing this is by acting hot and cold. By acting hot and cold, he has really no idea what you think about him. Now he is confused. This is a technique that can stir up a lot of emotions if it is used correctly. By acting cold I do not mean being rude or offensive – that will drive him away from you. But acting cold as in  a little standoffish or just being a little unavailable.


Make the first move. Then withdraw. Act a little hot and cold.

What to Wear on a Date

clothes hanger

Because I used to struggle with insecurities in the past, the more dressed up I was, the better I would usually feel about myself. I probably spent about 3 hours getting ready before a date(!)I loved to spend time on the way I looked. It was not hard for me to get asked on a date. It was really easy. Yet I had a hard time with having guys take me seriously. I was usually not what guys considered relationship material.

Sounds familiar?


As years went by and I got sick of not finding any form of valuable connection, I decided to change my approach. Instead of dressing up for a date, I would start to dress down. I started adding  only a tiny bit of make up, my hair was well-groomed but otherwise in a natural state, I wore casual, but still classy, everyday clothing, never tight fitting material on top and always high neck lines with flat shoes, loafers in fact.


The change in clothing was one of the elements that immediately changed guys perception of me the most, and still is. From that moment, after a date I would hear more often: “I was really glad to meet you. You are a good and serious girl”. This is something that I would usually never hear in the past. Guys started treating me with more respect.


The One That Got Away


Men deal with break-ups very differently than women. Women tend feel great anxiety at the time of a break-up. Men on the other hand tend to report to feeling numb. While many women resort to staying in with bucket-loads of ice cream, many men go straight on the rebound and often try to date as many women as possible. The difference though is that while women have intense feelings of pain at the time of a break-up, with time they usually fully recover. Men may have it easier at the time of the break-up, however they never really fully recover. This is where the one that got a away enters the picture.


A lot of men have one special girl from their past that still occupies his heart. Noone will never really live up to her. His heart will never be fully open for someone new, because his heart is already full of someone else.


When you hear a guy talk about a girl from his past and it is clear there may still be some feelings there – Beware. This is a big red flag! This is a guy who is most likely not ready for a relationship. This is a guy who will never be able to commit in the way you want him too.  This is a guy that – while he may say that he loves you – is likely to think of someone else when he goes to bed. Ouch! You will not be able to change him. He will not  forget her when he meets you.

★ Let him go. Let him figure things out for himself.

How to Handle Your Emotions

If you want to attract the man of your dreams, you will have to be able to handle your emotions.

If you are struggling to handle your emotions – This is the action plan for you:

  1. Learn to be assertive
  2. Learn how to trust
  3. Develop skills for how to handle negative emotions


Why you need to learn to be assertive first:

If you have not learnt to be assertive, you have not learnt to communicate in a mature, direct way. It is important to be able to communicate your needs in a clear manner. Anytime you are dealing with people, you will need to correct their behaviour in order to make sure they don’t overstep your boundaries. Human interaction needs constant correction. If you are too nice, people will start to take advantage. It will bring out their manipulative tendences. If you communicate your boundaries in an aggressive manner by attacking others, this will drive people away from you which is not really what you want. You just want them to behave in a respectful way.


Being assertive means communicating what you like and dislike by defending yourself, not by attacking the other person. If you have not learnt to be assertive, I am pretty sure you feel like you do not have control in interaction with other people? Because you have not learnt to correct human  interaction in an effecient way, you will probably walk around like a pressure cooker. You will have a lot of built up negative emotions inside you because you have a lot of  human interactions which cause you stress. When you learn to be assertive, you will feel that human interactions run more smoothly. You will feel a bigger sense of control. You know that you can handle difficult situations. You know that you can stand up for yourself in an appropriate way. Learning to be assertive should in itself make you feel a lot calmer, powerful and more in control.


Why you need to learn how to trust:

If you haven’t learnt to trust then it is likely that you will misinterpret a lot of situations in a negative way. When you don’t trust people, it is easy to misinterpret any little sign as something negative that may in fact be something entirely innocent. He hasn’t texted yet? He’s probably just busy! Maybe he is caught up in a meeting? Learning to trust people should in the same way as learning to be assertive, limit a lot of situations that cause you stress. When you trust people, you will have a more positive outlook of life in general. When you learn to trust people, you will also have a stronger support network around you. Being surrounded by supportive people that we trust will help us when we go through times of uncertainty and difficulties.


How to develop skills for how to handle negative emotions:

There is much written about how to handle negative emotions. People that deal with their emotions effectively recognizes them. They don’t try to surpress them or run from them. It is so easy to try to distract yourself from the pain by comfort eating, drinking, working too much etc. This is a very unhealthy way of handling your emotions and not very effective at all. Not being afraid of the emotions is key. Welcome them. No feelings are forever. They will pass. Know that you will be okay. Trust the universe. You are not given anything that you will not be able to handle. Focus on the things you can control and not the ones you have no control over. Let the focus be the solution and not the problem.


A technique I love to use:

See yourself from the outside. Then “zoom out”. See  yourself in the room you are in, in the building, in the city, in the country, then from the outer space. When you put your problems in a bigger perspective, they will seem more trivial. How many on the planet earth do you think are going through a similar problem at the same time as you? You are not alone. Facing adversities are something we all have to deal with from time to time. It is part of life. Adversities gives us strength and knowledge when we have learnt to pass through them. It teaches us things.